He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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