so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
