I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize