awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize