woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
