is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize