OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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