You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I would ride that face into the sunset
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
