i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize