Sponge bath it is.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
