i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
