The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
