I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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