I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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