"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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