Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
