every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
