it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
