If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
