what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize