I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
