Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize