When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
