what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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