woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
