K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
