I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
as a side note pls kill me
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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