just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize