Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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