i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
