I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
