after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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