she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
