Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Randomize
