That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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