ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
