hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
