That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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