I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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