hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
