Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
