Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize