The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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