Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
