The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize