I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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