Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I will pee on everything he values.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The struggles of a small town man whore
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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