I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
