He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
