i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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