he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
