I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
