And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize