can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
