We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
