i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
