All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
