so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
