1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
