why im i the only drunk person in the library?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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