1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
