I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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