Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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