Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
