Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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