I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
