...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
