tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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