Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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