Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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